“Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness”—this seems to be the American pursuit. I was seeking after these, as everyone does. Nearly everyone born in America takes life and liberty for granted, but happiness is not easy to come by. Even when I was quite young, I was able to see through the mask put on by people, and I realized there are very few truly happy people. There is a repeating cycle—a person will find doing something exciting and satisfying at first, but then it must be more, then much more, then greater, bigger, and stronger to reach the same intensity of satisfaction. When it’s over, that person is still not satisfied, and happiness is fleeing. This happened to me with model airplanes, martial arts, sports, academics and even a career. Truly happy people are rare, and there seems to be no common connection between them. Then one day, in deep anguish of soul, I cried out to God to reveal Himself to me. Shortly afterwards, someone preached the gospel to me, and I received the Lord Jesus Christ into my life! Life was still tough, but now I knew the common link between the few happy people that I had uncovered. The link was there all the time, but I thought that couldn’t be it, but it was—they had all believed in Christ in a personal way. However, receiving the Lord created a paradox.

Although I was quite happy and satisfied with this new life of Christ in me, there was a problem. In me was my life; also in me was Christ’s life—two different lives with quite different personalities. I wanted to do what I thought would satisfy me and He wanted me to do that which would satisfy me and Himself. The internal peace, satisfaction and happiness that came from realizing and accepting that Christ shed His blood to redeem me from my sins and the slavery of sin, was still there; but there was still a conflict—why? This was like fighting with my older sibling. She was always looking out for me, and since she usually was right, Dad always agreed with her, but I still wanted to have my own way. Living the Christian life was at once both reassuring and extremely unsettling. It was because I knew I was saved, was part of the family of God with something of God’s life and nature in me. It was unsettling because the Living One in me was making demands which conflicted with the way I wanted to live my life.

Happiness came in degrees. I was at peace with God—or was I? It was like I had been born into a new family and I had to learn to live “the new life” of this family but it was hard to forget my good, old, fallen life. Someone inside me kept bothering me, as I was still comfortable living my messy life. I took a hard look at all the Christians around me and they were doing no better. I was in a Bible study with several friendly ministers from different denominations. The more we studied the Bible together, the more it was apparent that they were having similar internal struggles with the same Person that I was struggling with. They certainly did not have any answers; all they could do was continue on. They were the older blind leading the younger blind because this was expected of them. For myself, after several experiences of works for Him failing, it was time for me to take a walk—time to have a heart-talk with the Father. I was bothered; I had just given a Bible study on the Spirit. Everyone said it was great, but within, someone said I missed the mark.

As I walked, I poured my heart out to the Lord, I held nothing back. I was complaining! It seemed I had everything, a top scholarship toward a great career, an impressive girlfriend, and great Christian friends, but why this emptiness inside me? “Wasn’t I doing a work for You, Lord—didn’t I establish Christian groups on two different campuses? Lord I want your best! I am laboring for Your best! I want the satisfaction and the enjoyment of You that I knew before!” Within ten days, I was listening to a man tell me about my human spirit. I had just studied all the verses, knew many nearly by heart. But, the Bible had never opened up like this before! I knew what he was speaking was really all there! I had just given a study on it. But I missed a crucial point! Man has a spirit, and God is Spirit! It is within this human spirit that Christ as the Spirit comes in to live! The two spirits are a match! They can communicate with each other! This inner feeling inside of me,…was,…God speaking to me! The more I listened, the more the Bible made sense.

By this time, I had actually read the entire Bible a couple of times and had studied many sections. There are many puzzling verses and no one knows all the answers, but still, this book is our “constitution” as Christians. We are to follow it as God’s Word, not as the traditions or thoughts of men. The man who told me about my human spirit also told me that the church is the bride of Christ, that one day Christ would return to marry a corporate body of Christians that matched Him, and that we would become this match by pursuing the living Christ in the Bible. Speaking to a group of believers, he asked: “Would you be willing to change, if what you are doing does not match the Bible?” Today I realize that we can never be satisfied and happy unless Christ gets what satisfies Him and makes Him happy, His church, His bride. That is because He is living in us, and He wants the best for us. That cry from within me for God’s best, was also His cry from within me for God’s best for me. I had a career; He had the best career. I had a girlfriend; He had the best girl for me. I now have His life. He has truly freed me from being a slave to so many things. Moreover, when Christ is satisfied and happy in me, then I am satisfied and happy. Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness can only be found in Christ.

Casey Young

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